By Tomas Alonso
Staff Writer

40 years after the success of “The Goonies” and two years after his Academy Award for best supporting actor, Ke He Quan leads an action comedy of his own, “Love Hurts.” The film follows Marvin Gable (Quan) a former hitman turned successful realtor thrust back into the brutal world of contract killers he attempted to leave behind.

With okay supporting work from Ariana DeBose as Rose and Daniel Wu as gangster Knuckles Gables, Marvin’s brother. Quan’s old Goonie’s cast mate Sean Astin shines in his limited screen time as Marvin’s mentor Cliff Cussick. former NFL running back Marshawn Lynch brings a charming if not underacted performance that often came across as just a cameo.

The movie has some funny moments but the plot lacks any sort of depth, often feeling simple and predictable. Three love stories commence through the length of the film matching up with its Valentine’s Day setting. The first follows a hitman repairing his broken marriage, the second follows Marvin’s employee Ashley who falls for a knife-wielding assassin/poet and the third has Marvin choosing between family, work and love. The two subplots seem distracting especially in the film’s short 1 hour 23 minute run time.

The movie is an homage to the golden age of action comedies, attempting to echo Jackie Chan style stunt-fests. Quan is pretty believable both as a humble realtor from Milwaukee and as a dangerous hitman feared and respected by the underworld. The best part of the film is the stunt choreography, including several long one take action shots although it occasionally feels cartoony with none of the injuries having any long lasting impact.

Famed stunt choreographer Jonathan Eusebio directed the film, the first of his career and did alright never stretching himself too thin or taking too many big swings although some big swings might have helped. I found the film a somewhat boring martial arts centered rom-com and less of the action comedy it set out to be.

The cinematography is nothing to write home about and the soundtrack is uninspired. The film struggles by refusing to commit to being any one thing. It’s not really an action film, refusing to lean fully into gruesome violence like a John Wick despite its R rating and a few gross scenes. For example a captive’s front teeth get stuck to his duct tape gag and are yanked out of his mouth.

But it’s also not really a rom-com. The film never gives you enough time to gain any sort of attachment to the characters. At no point in the movie do you feel anything for the characters, never really wanting them to do good or get the girl.

My final review is a 4.5/10. It’s too gruesome and not funny enough for a younger audience but not hardcore or interesting enough for an older one.

If your wanting to watch a movie where a unassuming retired one man army cuts through a field of bad guys but also want to enjoy a fully thought out plot, good music and solid performances from the assisting cast I recommend “Nobody” (2021) Director Ilya Naishuller and star Bob Odenkirk do what “Love Hurts” set out to do but better in every way.